I have a friend named Sylvie Lewis who is a singer/songwriter, and one of her songs is named “All His Exes” about a lover who remains friends with all his exes. She concludes with…

It makes him feel so good that he’s still friends with all his exes.

It occurred to me the other day and i just have to put this bluntly
The only exes that I’m still friends with are the two that still want me.

He spends so much time with other girls that I always have suspected
Perhaps I would be better off as one of all his exes.

Perfect for you, and you indeed are much better off as one of Mike’s (and Steve’s and Patrick’s) exes.